How to control your desires. How to learn to subordinate your desires
Competent and clear setting of the goal is the key to success at once in several spheres of life. Career, Improving your own spirit and mind, relationships with the opposite floor depend on you, and not from external circumstances. Man is not only the Creator of his own destiny, but in some way the wizard. If you want any, at first glance, completely crazy, the desire to come true, - achieve it yourself.
People often complain that their desires and dreams are carried out at all at that speed and not in the form in which they thought. Have you been looking for a suitable job for a long time, but only low-speed and low-paid vacancies come across? Tired of overweight, but not enough willpower to get rid of it? Do you envy family happiness girlfriends or friends, because you only come across "Mamyenkin's sons" and unemployed losers or bitch and hapuga? Learn to dream correctly - and nothing impossible for you!
Realize the ordination and reality of your own dream if you want it to come true
What is a dream? In essence, this is a certain mental state that you want to achieve. High-paying work will give a bright sense of own significance and raise self-esteem. You are looking for an ideal man Or a woman, because you want to feel like your beloved or loved one. The dream is only a kind of way to experience the emotion in which you are sharply needed at the moment. Change your attitude to this concept so that it ceases to seem to you by weightless, unnecessary. Only then their own desires and aspirations will be real for you.
Every day, move towards a dream, albeit with small steps
Putting a goal, do not forget to make a plan for its achievement, which you will adhere to. Do not wait for miracles whose help and councils - start acting right now! Do you want to relax on Bali, but consider that earnings will not allow this to do in the near future? Travel agencies charge a stupid percentage for their services. Pick up a ticket to a warm country yourself. Then calculate how much you need to postpone daily to buy it for the next holiday. "Break" the amount for several months. Dinner in a cafe, not overpaying in a restaurant for each cup of tea. Best patience and buy branded clothing on sales or in luxury drains, and not in branded boutiques. More often walk on foot - it is incredibly useful, besides saving on a taxi.
Do not be afraid of your own desires
Low self-esteem "slows down" performance of your dreams, no matter how difficult or simple it. If you consider yourself a low-qualified employee, not worthy of high salary, you never climb the career ladder. Work on yourself. Visit specialized trainings, communicate with experienced professionals, boldly offer the authorities creative ideas. No need to sit in the corner and complain about your own destiny.
Stop looping your own failures
On the way to your own dream, you may encounter problems (big or insignificant). Do not lose and do not lower your hands, barely in life will appear obstacles. Yes, immediately got the desired failed. But it does not mean at all that it will not work tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. It is better to think about failure, keep into account the mistakes of the past - and forward, with new forces to meet the fulfillment of desires!
Do not instill in trifles
Most dreamers error - the inability to move to the goal is systematically, without regard to fleeting temptations. For example, you want to buy an expensive coat. Before the reality of dreams in reality, you lack all anything. Anticipating the purchase, you go to the shopping center ... Seeing the shoes with a stunning discount in the shop window, you buy them, completely forgetting about the major acquisition, which was planned not one month. But, perhaps, without excessive pairs of shoes, it was quite possible to do, but without a warm coat in winter - alas. Therefore, feeling the attack of shovencisms, boldly beat yourself in hand and pass by things that are misalifying you indecently.
Burn with dimity
As soon as the desire, timid people begin to doubt their own strength, in the importance of their own dreams and aspirations. So, some people, for a long time suffering from loneliness, begin to consider themselves as small-reaching. Feeling in love, they subconsciously put themselves at a low stage compared to the partner. And they fall into the trap of their own constancy, believing that unworthy of his beloved. Relations permeated with uncertainty are doomed to failure. The second half will sooner or later imbued with your "ideas" and go to search for more self-confident partners.
If you want to achieve something, throw out all sorts of "but" and "suddenly." Each morning start with special autotraining. Prophovade your desires out loud in front of the mirror. At the same place in the details the appearance of the object of lust - a car, a new TV or an ideal partner. Visualization will configure you to the desired way.
Many desire, do not greading. Human nature is so insatteme that the execution of one dream is usually not enough. Do you want everything right away? Do not lose in pursuit of ghostly happiness what you have. Be grateful to fate for her gifts.
Question psychologists
My family life It lasted only 2 years. At first, everything was fine, did not need anything: residential veins in their apartment, he worked, I studied at the last year, gave birth. There is no fortune limit! But then everything changed overnight. He began to raise his hand, became aggressive. Of course, I can not say that I was holy, I also began to give away from him, ceased to respect him, understand, and in principle how you can understand a person who beats you without reasons. I once requested, begged, somehow tried to save the family. But unfortunately it did not work. And in the end we divorced. I have passed a little more than a year I work, bring up a child, where parents help, I live in full life, I feel good. But only I can't decide to new relationships, I can not get close to the opposite sex. Well, as you understand I have no sex for more than a year. I now began to feel that my body begins to demand sex. Sometimes visits the thought just blindly sleep with someone, but I can't, I can not, I can not, I do not know how. And in addition, my ex-husband appeared. You see him hard without a family, allegedly now he just understood everything, realized. That is why it is at such a moment that I play hormones ?? That's what I do ?? How can I control your needs? I'm afraid when meeting my former husband Do not hold back your desires, your needs. And I'm afraid to spoil all my life. I do not like him. I do not see my future with him. Give advice. How can you convey to a person that he is no longer needed? And how can you control your desires?
Received 5 tips - consultations from psychologists, to the question: How can you control your desires?
How can you convey to a person that he is no longer needed?
Speak with your husband about yourself, your feelings and desires - in the format "I - Messages".
How to do this, read here: http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership/message
At the same time, remember that you have a complete right to explain anything to anyone, not to prove and act as you think it is necessary, that is, in its understanding to live your life, in accordance with the "Assherent Human Rights".
Read here: http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/diary-confidence
And how can you control your desires?
The more you will control them, the more they (your desires) will appear, based on the fact that "the force of action is equal to the strength of opposition" ...
Desires need to be allowed to be ...
And already for the implementation of the desired something to do, eliminating obstacles:
i can not decide to new relationships, I can not get close to the opposite sex
Hello Alena
Carefully read your letter and phrase:
I'm afraid when you meet my ex-husband, do not hold back my desires, your needs. And I'm afraid to spoil all my life. I do not like him. I do not see my future with him
one of the key and that is why:
You lived in marriage for 2 years and all the same decided to divorce. At the same time, somehow Solz themselves also admitted that there were many mistakes and misconceptions on your part. Despite the understanding that something went wrong between you, we decided to divorce. You are working now, parents help, and already a year you are not at all meet anyone and you have a sexual need.
Your husband again invites you to come together, promises that much has already understood and revised. Of course, if your words "I don't like it," "I do not see my future with him"Hanging and not on emotions, then of course, it is no longer worth only for the receipt of sex to return to the past.
You wrote that just so you can't meet with a man and, as it was this phrase more concerned about you. It turns out that you are ready for a new relationship with another man, only if he immediately suggests you to marry him. But... You can again buy a cat in a bag, figuratively speaking? Maybe just the same you will now allow the right to choose exactly the man with whom you could live together. To begin with, it would be necessary for you to determine how you imagine it, what the quality of him should be, what his obligations to you and the child will be. The better you will already have an idea of \u200b\u200byour man, the easier it will be for you to find it. Otherwise, relying only for a serious offer, you risk re-make the wrong choice. You already offered to marry and because it was not enough for the family to preserve, right? Only at the level of hormones to build long-term relationships are hardly possible. Sex, it's sex, but the creation of a family is much more demanding and mutual investments and Respect and responsibility.
It would not be superfluous to visit the Pisheologist and there already in working together to find answers to many of your questions that you have, and also deal with your beliefs and rules that you have quite a lot. Think. Good luck.
Bekezhanova Botagoz recreaks, psychologist Astana
Good answer2 Bad answer4 
How can you convey to a person that he is no longer needed? And how can you control your desires?
In order to "convey" only one thing inner, a steady position that he is like a man does not need and you do not want anything with him. Only then will you get to do the way you want, with no matter what words you will be pronounced. A man just will feel!
As for desires, there are two options here. The first and most importantly, they must be accepted and agree with their body, that soon he will receive a discharge. So far, you can not organize a real discharge, then organize a discharge sport for example. In the gym, by the way, you can make new acquaintances with an interesting man.
Sincerely, Eugene
Evgenia Kislitsyn, psychologist in Almaty
Good answer4 Bad answer0 
Alena Hello!
How to live with the unloved and all the more aggressive - it is better to take advantage of masturbation.
And Ignore desires hard. They can be switched. By the way, a person has a sex and creativity zone combined. Try to develop creativity and may help it.
Trocenko Natalia Yuryevna, Psychologist Vladikavkaz
Good answer2 Bad answer1Second block.
You are afraid of new relationships. And you need together with a psychologist to find the depth origins of this reason. I do not exclude that you are afraid to be a victim in a relationship, we fear again to be mistaken, etc.
Contact your consultation personally, during which your situation is dismantled in detail and you can get out of the framework that they themselves concluded.
Ready to work with you.
Good luck to you!
P.S. Your needs are quite natural. And you do not need to suppress them in yourself. It is worth forming an internal readiness for relationships, then to the realization of your needs you will come naturally, gaining attention, interest, conquering the man who is worthy of.
Yours faithfully,
Snegiva Inna Vladimirovna, psychologist Astana
Good answer4 Bad answer0Instruction
If at an early age, a person can still afford to do as he wants, not particularly worrying about the consequences, then by the time growing, usually, you already need to be able to limit your desires and needs. Children growing in an atmosphere of permissiveness and parental love, it is difficult to realize that in the adult world their desires do not play a paramount role, and this discovery can cause serious stress.
As a rule, the degree of personal maturity directly depends on this, as far as a person knows how to control his desires and is able to abandon them in favor of something. The easiest way to learn this can be in a situation where the possibilities and resources will be limited to objective circumstances. However, such an experience can be quite painful, so much more practical will master the art of control of needs on its own initiative, and not under the influence of trouble.
First of all, it is necessary to realize the unpleasant, but obvious fact that no person, including you, is not the center of the Universe. The maximum to which you can count is a specific circle of people for whom your desires really matter. At the same time, each of these people also has a whole complex of needs that can be more important for him than yours. However, looking into yourself, you will understand that you yourself feel about other wishes in the same way.
In addition to objective circumstances, your desires may interfere with the desires of other people who contradict them. Until a certain moment, this contradiction may be inconspicuous, but sooner or later, the opposition will be tangible, and you will have to either go ahead, despite anything, or to refuse your goal. Naturally, the second option in most cases is more suspended and the right solution.
Good way Learning to subjugate our desires can be the ability to evaluate not only the obvious consequences of their actions, but also how they affect your future. Perhaps a sober assessment of the prospects will help you a different look at the fleeting need, forcing it to overestimate its significance.
Note that the sooner you can control your desires, the more disappointment and trouble to avoid. An excellent option to bring in your life a little dimension and control - compilation of a monthly budget and schedule management. When you learn to plan your spending in advance and free time, it will be much easier for you to convince yourself to abandon something desirable, but objectively disadvantageous.
Yom Kippur is a unique day for the Jewish people. Many of the secular Jews who do not feel connections with our spiritual traditions, however, this day will be fast and come to the synagogues.
But, unfortunately, ends in Yom Kipper, and again "separation" for a whole year.
Why do you so hard to establish mutual understanding?
The essence of the problem is that when a secular person appreciates Judaism, he does not ask the question, for which it is needed, but assesses an external form.
Any thing should have its own goal, and it has an external form. When we offer an unfamiliar thing in the store, we first find out why she can need us.
Regarding Judaism: a secular Jew says, for example, that he does not like the form of Judaism, but rarely asks the question: "What does he give me"?
Explain our wise men that the goal of Judaism is to improve a person.
Consider one of the main aspects.
Our tradition explains that two forces must be developed in man - the power of desire and the ability to manage them.
If a person has no desires, then it is no matter how much vitality itself. Who manages our desires?
Desire is like a machine engine. Without it, the car will stand still. But we need a steering wheel that will guide the car into the direction you need.
Many religions call for asceticism as an ideal. Torah tells us: the desire is normal, bad if the desire leads us, and not we.
The modern world is increasingly aggressively managed by our desires. All advertising, which is filled with our cities, seeks to awaken in us the desire to purchase what the customer advertising releases. And the more aggressively treat us, the more important to us to keep the "steering wheel" in our hands - control over your desires.
Explain the wise men that our tradition raises in us the ability to be the master of their world desires.
We give a few examples.
The work of most modern people makes constantly thinking about it. Shabbat gives us the opportunity for one day a week not to think about working and relax from advertising aggression on radio and television.
When a person wants to eat, the forces of nature begun to "push". And when we read the blessing in front of meals and remember the sun, we show that we are higher than nature.
There are still many "Jewish ways" to learn how to manage our desires, we will talk about them another time.
I want to note an optimistic point: a secular man has two strong natural desires - he wants to eat and does not want to go to the synagogue. Nevertheless, every Yom Kippur we act contrary to our nature. This we demonstrate that in every Jew has spiritual forces. And if we will pay their development more attention throughout the year, then become the genuine owners of your inner world.
