Intersophobia in women. Intimophobia VS full relation

Each of us is afraid. Someone - get sick by AIDS, someone - lose material property, all without exception - the end of the world and, as a result, death.

As for directly personal life, in this area the most common fear is the fear of loneliness. But, oddly enough, in terms of significance, he is not the only one in his own way. The opposite type of fear is also serious about origin and manifestation in contacts with people. Fear of close relationship is a topical theme of this narration.

Probably, you will be surprised, but intimophobia, as you also call the fear of close contacts with the person of the opposite sex, is currently a bad phenomenon. It is subject to both men and women equally, although some informational sources claim that representatives of the strong floor are more often the ladies suffer from this problem.

And in the fact that this type of fear is a real problem for its owner, no doubt. And the victim of this phobia is not only experiencing it, but also the surrounding direct participation in the fate of the latter.

In many, the word "intimophobia" causes an unambiguous association with the fear of sexual relations. This is not quite so. Rather, this option takes place, but not always. First of all, the development of intimophobia in humans involves the fear of psychological proximity, that is, limitless confidence in the partner, the durable substantiation of a potential husband / wife in his life, the onmost littleness and other things that deprive a certain share of freedom and creating some community between two people, and therefore interdependence.

It is necessary to go any line - this step and scary. After all, what a feature? That's right, frightening unknown. Or fame, but "predefined" his own imagination in advance, and, believe me, not too rainbow.

To understand the mechanism of someone's love of close relationship, it is not at all necessary to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist - this is the best option for the intrinsic intimophobia.

It is also important to allocate the reasons that served as the point of reference - the moment in which the launch of a feeling that prevents fully live. I analyzed possible events and phenomena that could be an impetus for the development of intimophobia.

1. Childhood

The source of an adult problem may well hide in this vital part of human existence. It is in childhood that the main aspects of the individual, including complexes, are laid. Parents, the situation in the family, play a primary role in the formation of children's worldview. Here are the following variations that can act as a reason for development in the future of fear of close relations:

but) Tirands in the family. Mother humiliated father or father beat and insulted his mother. Thus, at the child in memory, this fact was postponed as a stereotype of a personal relationship, at the same time unacceptable for him. Fear arises, because yesterday's kid, turning into an adult, simply does not believe or can not / does not want to understand that there is an alternative to close contacts built on the basis of tyranny by one partner of the other. And to dissuade intimofob is very difficult, especially if the "process" came too far.

b) Negative psychological pressure. Parents inspired their choices that he cannot independently make decisions due to his young age (no matter how much the child at that moment was about five or twenty five), nothing is capable of anything, poor, ugly, etc. , etc., more often, such pressure from the father or / and the mother occurs aimlessly, "without rear thought", when, for example, a daughter / son, in their opinion, confusing under their feet and prevents their main occupations in life. Basically, it is typical of families where the child is unwanted or caused by the circumstances, and maybe it's easy to be "like everyone else."

in) Surplus or lack of parental attention and care. In the first case, intimophobia develops in the direction of the formation of fear before the need to take over the upcoming commitments and responsibility for the potential partner, for the relationship in general. In the second version, this is a fear of becoming an unnecessary thing for a beloved person as soon as the psychological distance between people will be reduced to a minimum.

2. betrayal, unsuccessful relationship in the past

This cause is the character of psychological injury. Tested times the pain and bitterness of frustration, a person deliberately or unconsciously avoids new relations, assumed a close inter-brave contact, since everything will repeat everything in his representation. And, it means, it is not worth starting, because it already knows how long the bleeding wounds, what black and cold it seems the world around ...

3. Violence

It is in mind literally physical violence, abuse, degrading person at all levels of perception. In such cases, intimophobia is not nonsense, but quite logical, by itself, of course, the consequence of negative-aggressive exposure from the outside.

The victim not only does not want anyone to enter into a close spiritual connection, as, however, in physical - the very thought of possible contact leads him to quite justified horror. He is embarrassed, and sometimes hates his "desecrated" body, a person develops a terrible depression, self-esteem drops catastrophically.

There will be a lot of time before the life of such an intimophoba at least a little will enter the same direction - of course, not without the support of relatives and have a good psychologist. But the fear of proximity to eradicate, subject to such baggage, memories is very problematic.

4. Fear of freedom loss

This is a fairly widespread option. Many women and men do not want to start a family, as this step is associated with them with a reduction in personal space and time. Moreover, marriage is always responsible.

And if a person got used to fluttering in the life of a butterfly, to tie himself to Himen's hands and feet to him, of course, it does not just want to want, but it's badly scary. In this case, an intimophobe may have any randomly indiscriminate sexual ties and a single - constant and psychological.

5. "Dark Mystery" Soul

To help you delve into the meaning of this reason, I will tell you one life story.

Anna got acquainted with Vadim on the matinee in children's garden. The young man was not someone's dad - the organization of children's holidays was his work. Anna, being unmarried as an educator, was directly involved in a solemn event and immediately drew attention to a nice man. Their communication within state institution It was imperceptible to friendship: a series of telephone calls was stirred with walks along the embankment.

But gradually, as you get used to Vadim, Anna has become catastrophically lack full contact. It was a feeling that the young man hides something, although, judging by the signs of attention, the girl understood that the man was not indifferent to her. Unfortunately, all attempts to close and call Vadim on the frank conversation came to a deaf wall. But, being a woman wise, Anna did not give up a young man, believing that he would still split, if he really experiences tender feelings to her.

So it happened: somehow in the evening, after a joint dinner at Vadim at home, it seems to "break through". The young man admitted Anna in love and voiced the cause of his excessive closure: In the recent past, a man was a homosexual, but having met Anna and falling in love, I realized that it wanted to "tie" with a non-traditional orientation, return to the former, normal lifestyle. But how does the girl react to such a confession? Would you like to have a deal with him? These questions were tormented by Vadim indiscriminately and forced to stay from Anna at some distance.

Probably, the finale of history is not related to the topic of the article, but still calling it: for loving woman The revelation of Vadima about such an uniceceptible fact of his biography did not be an obstacle to the transition of their relationship for qualitatively new level. Probably, the real feelings are checked ...

I led a particular case as an example. In fact, variations are many: in the role of "Dark Secrets" can act anything - from the incurable disease to non-standard problems in the family. For example, in one of the many "soap" serials broadcast on television, the main heroine avoided close relations with his beloved due to the fact that two of his relatives were desperate to be desperate: sister-oligofren and alcoholic father.

Conclusion: Covering the purpose of solving the problem of someone else was intimophobia, you must be psychologically ready for the fact that the reason for the "alend" may not be particularly pleased.

But, as they say, at least "fear of eyes and great", the same "eyes are afraid, and the hands do." Sure practical advice It will help once and forever get rid of the obsessive phobia to those who experience panic fear of close interpole contacts.

1. Trust your fear paper

Then you need to take a blank sheet of paper and describe in detail your fear: what it comes to how it is its source, which provokes it at the moment of time, and so on, etc. Write it as if someone's soul Pour.

Another similar technique is very effective: some psychologists offer to draw their own fear. Nothing, if the drawing comes to the corona and reasonable - this is not the main thing in this procedure. It is important to get rid of the depressing soul of darkness that makes you live in constant tension.

Paper media with the fear described or you drawn need to be destroyed. You can break the sheet into small pieces and bury: in this way, you remove the stone from the soul, shifting the cargo of problems on the "shoulders" of Mother's Earth. But it is better to betray a piece of fire, as already described by me in the previous article.

The number of times required for this, notice, not at all the magical, but ordinary psychological "rite" depends on the severity of intimophobia.

2. Improving self-esteem

Unfortunately, this very important aspect in awareness of itself a full-fledged personality is often the source of various complexes. I suggest interesting way Enhance your own self-esteem. It is called "say goodbye to your delusions." There are those most thoughts that are a stumbling block in the implementation of full-fledged life wishes. They sound like this:

I'm ugly, who can I like?
- I can't imagine anything, why did I / her?
- I am a catastrophe.
- He / she actually does not like me - this is he / her only it seems so.

The way the way is as follows: remember the life moments when you looked at 100%, felt like a queen / king, felt peace of mind and harmony with me and the outside world. Suppose: "I am very sexy in this purple dress" or "When I ranked first at the University Olympics on Higher Mathematics, I felt at the height."

Get away in memory and remember at least three people thinking about you, as you think, even better than you really are. Remembered? Excellent! Now, during the attacks of the uncertainty and tides of fear of intimacy, mentally concentrate on these people. If they are with such warmth and understanding to you, why not make the same thing to the potential partner? ..

3. Faced face to face with your fear

Everything is simple: you need to go through what inspires you a feeling of fear, and not wrapping or, even worse, run away from solving the problem. Take resistance to your own desires, do not go for yourself. The disease is for the cure of which not to make any effort, sooner or later goes into a chronic form. And this version of the development of events is not the worst, because there is still a fatal outcome. In our situation, the latter will be clearly eternal loneliness. In short, "if you want to stop afraid - do what you are afraid."

Intimophobia, like all phobias, a serious thing. And the most effective in its elimination will appeal to a specialist if independent attempts do not lead to due results. Take yourself a great statement, however, the author unknown to me - it should "instruct you on the True path":

"If you didn't dare to make something from a sense of fear today, tomorrow you will regret it, in a week - to blame yourself for indecision, in a year you will visit a feeling of loss, at the end of life you will understand that they have risen themselves" ...

Webinar "Independent intimophobia treatment. When it fails to build relationships "
Frequently often from people who are not familiar with the psychology and not knowledgeable in psychotherapy you can hear an erroneous point of view that such a phenomenon like intimophobia is just a fear of sexual contacts. And if there were many partners in life, and everything turns out in sex, therefore there is no such problem.

But often, these statements are only disguised by this problem, and the person can live with this ailment for years: striving in any way to avoid trust relationships and deep emotional contacts.

Unlike sociophobes that are afraid to communicate and build horizontal connections, people with fear of trust, on the contrary, in society can be pretty vigorous and successful. But as soon as it comes to emotional openness, a stuporous state occurs, and communication inevitably goes to a dead end. Negative automatic thoughts that spoil the mood are beginning to be formed, and destructive beliefs are included in the work.

And the reasons for intimophobia, as usual, lick in childhood - in the inadequate behavior of the parents!

When a child in his attempts to pound with her mother or dad, rushed to rudeness and frank rudeness on their part to their address. Which by their punishments and ridiculous impact methods have undermined all confidence in themselves.

In the webinar, I will illuminate the mechanism of the formation of intimophobia in detail.

What makes it consequences?

As a result, a young man can like some woman, and he can even be in love with her, but due to the characteristic emotional background And the strategy of permanent avoiding proximity, he will finally spoil relations with his behavior.

And the girl pathologically it does not work out to build harmonious communication with those guys and men who are really attractive for her and have mutual sympathy. Because it is afraid of falling into a love dependence or receive a refusal from the chief - due to the defendant in childhood, the dentures and sweaturers of self-esteem.

Many are trying to fight intimophobia on their own, try some kind of medicines from the fear of trusting relationships. But nevertheless, the result in their work does not reach - the personal life still does not develop for years.

You need to know which sequence needs to be performed correctly to get the desired result inevitably and with a guarantee!

On the webinar, I wonder know-how and ladies special exercises!

Which, as your questions come, I will explain how to do them technically competently, and which you will continue to do at home yourself. And after some time, practice, you will begin to build strong and trusting relationships with the opposite sex and the rapeport with people in general!

Psychologists argue that about a third of all men and women on Earth suffer from such a disorder as intimophobia. Every year, a similar deviation is diagnosed in several thousand people. How does this condition manifest itself and is there an intimofob's chance to ever create a strong family?

Intimophobia is a condition in which a person avoids close and prolonged emotional relations with its sexual partner. In most cases, such a phenomenon is developing under the influence of a number of social, psychological and sexual reasons and get rid of such a disorder independently, it is almost impossible.

Psychologists believe that such disorder as intimophobia, the reasons should be sought in a distant childhood. In their opinion, intimophobia is a pathology of the character, which is the result of raising the lonely emotionally unbalanced mother: she forms his unpredictable behavior in a child in disbelief in the predictability of other people's actions, so Intimophob never trusts his sexual partner and tries not to depend neither morally or materially.

Psychiatrists have their own opinion on this: they are confident that intimophobia is a consequence of some mental illness, which are characterized by emotional, as well as volitional disorders.

The biggest trouble is intimofoba is that he cannot arrange his personal life. As soon as the "patient" understands what begins to be attached to another person, he breaks up with him. Most people with such disorder remain lonely, some are trying to create families, but through some kind of, and very short time, bred. How else can intimophobia manifest? Symptoms of particularly serious cases - when a person is afraid of not only psychological proximity, but intimate relations in principle.

If earlier intimophobia was a common phenomenon among men, then at present this disorder of women suffer much more often than representatives of strong sex. It is possible to "guilty" in this Emancipation, also affects the upbringing in incomplete families.

Externally distinguish intimofob from ordinary person It is impossible. As a rule, people suffering from this disorder are very sociable, they are easily converged with others and perfectly adapt in any team. Drug addicts and alcoholics among them does not happen: although Intimophobu is needed by the permanent emotional dope, he finds him the fact and the matter changing partners.

Also, most intimophobes have excellent intelligence and make a good career, at the same time earning decent money, they are, for the most part, terrible whispeners. Perhaps it is this item that can issue an intimofoba: he will never spend money on his partner.

For such a disorder as intimophobia, treatment is only one - psychotherapy. However, it turns out to be powerless if you turn to the specialist too late. In other words, as it is not sad, adult intimofoba is practically impossible to react. Such people are beautiful lovers, but not worth considering them as permanent partners in life, it is better to stay away from them.

So who is such an intimophobe? Signs of a typical representative - this average age, insane charm, the ability to have people to yourself, sexuality, successful career, material wealth and with all the lack of family. Moreover, the intimophob itself also suffers: he feels flawed, because it cannot experience strong feelings and is content with short-term hobbies. For the external self-confidence, the need for love is hidden, but it cries the fear to get close to another person.

Intimophob is not a womanizer. The womanizer can love, marry and have a very decent family if his wife will be loyal to all his adventures "left". The womanika does not worry the feelings of his sexual partners, the intimofoba also put in horror any manifestations of feelings in principle.

Quite often, intimophobes understand their condition and in some cases they even speak with their partners about it. However, those, as a rule, do not perceive their words seriously and are even more trying to surround the "patients" caress and love. This behavior only worsens the situation and the intimophobe immediately saves.

The psychological diagnosis of "intimophobia" for many patients becomes a real surprise. It is erroneously believed that this term is invented to designate a phenomenon for which the fear of any sexual contacts is characteristic. But what is intimophobia in fact and how to get rid of it?

Feature of the phenomenon

Intimopobia - fear of deep contacts and trust relationships. Under intimacy, not so much sex, but deeper emotional relations between people, is suspected. Intimophobes can even lead an active social life and have permanent sexual partners, subpauing them to the body, but not to the soul.

As a rule, the intimophobes are quite active and with ease of contact with contacts, but as soon as it comes to a deeper relationship - personal problems pop up. People suffering from this ailment do everything to push away from themselves by a person who claims to something more serious than superficial communication.

Intimophobam is extremely rare to build a durable love relationship. As soon as it seems to them that the internal boundaries are attached to the partner, they seek to break the connection. The reason for this is the fear that a close person will not want to accept the feelings offered to him.

See also the webinar "Independent treatment of intimophobia. When it is impossible to build a relationship "Denis Burkheeva.

Possible reasons

In most cases, the roots of the ailment take their origin from childhood. Children are very open and wounds, parents are usually becoming a crippling factor. When the baby is trying to show his attachment, and in response gets rudeness - it leaves an indelible imprint for life. The desire to let the parent goes closer.

The child appears questions to themselves: is I really so bad and do not deserve love? Over time, the understanding comes that it is not in yourself, but in others. The position of the parents is unconsciously postponed to others. I don't want to show feelings, the same rejection is expected from the partner, which the parents passed.

Men lose confidence in women, and women - to men, the people of their sex intimophobia spread less frequently. The nature of pathology in men and women will somewhat varies. A fine sex representatives are even afraid of starting relationships with a person who can experience sympathy.

What to do?

It is practically impossible to cope with intimophobia. Even if a person is aware of his problem and shares experiences with a partner, the effect may be reverse. The second half, who does not possess professional knowledge, more often begins to "push" for an intimophoba with his love. It only enhances the fear and forces it to remove it from the relationship even further and often leads to the interruption of all contacts with the source of the problem.

Effective treatment is carried out only in a bundle with a psychotherapist. The timeliness of appeal plays a big role: the older the person, the more difficult to overcome the established perception of the world surrounding people and relations with them. It is necessary to prepare for long work, for which the desire of the "patient" is necessary. You can independently try to work in the webinar, which was mentioned above.

Intimopobia: Is it possible to overcome intimacy?

He was charming, rushed with jokes and compliments, trampled every gesture and look. You perfectly spent the time, followed by a wonderful night and spiritual conversations until the morning. And you have already mentally represented a joint life and future children ... But the cavalier unexpectedly disappeared and no longer calls. Endless self-confidence begin, what did I do wrong, the survey of girlfriends, reflections on the topic "How to be and what to do?". And now attention! It is possible that nothing to do and is not worth it, because a man who made you worry and suffer because of a sudden disappearance, may well be intimophobom.

This word does not mean that a man is afraid of sex like fire, you could surely make sure that it implies ignoring a serious mature relationship because of the fear of emotional addiction. In this way, intimopobia- This is fear and evasion from loved ones and long-term emotional relations with a gender partner. It occurs about a third of men and women. Currently, women suffer from a phobia of proximity even more men. Intimopobia is not a fault and a breaking, but a serious phenomenon caused by a whole set of reasons: social, psychological, sexual. It is almost impossible to get rid of it. In this case, the intimophob itself suffers, and the partner he is involuntarily deceived. The most commonly encountered intimophobia of two types: a complete discharge of sex and the preference of only short-term sexual or non-dark relationships.

1. Categorical "No" sex

Here you need to understand, because the categorical refusal of sex can have a variety of reasons.

. Shyness

Sex rules the world, but shy people he rarely gives pleasure. Sexual relations are the most uncertain and controversial situation that you can imagine. There are no clear framework for behavior. Both partners are naked, open to each other and are deprived of any external protective barriers. Shy people often simply do not have the skills necessary for sexual relationships.

. Unrealistic ideas about sex

They draw away from the films of the corresponding genre and journals of a specific orientation and fairly spoil strong Mira This life. As a result, a man walks with a ruler and experiences that he is "not like that" that he will never be able to satisfy the partner 50 times overnight that the "crumpled friend" that everything will end too quickly, etc., and so on. P.

. Low self-esteem and attributing flaws

This is something more than the experience of length and size. Here will rather be thoughts about curves or hairy legs, about the possible unpleasant smell of mouth, dandruff, skin diseases, long nose, hoppy ears and other imaginary and hyperbollaced shortcomings.

2. Sex in the main role

In this case, an intimophob can develop very violent sexual activity. This form of intimophobia also has its own nuances.

. The desire to the greatest number of sexual victories

There are always many women around such men, because they are simply impossible not to pay attention to them. If there is a young lady that does not share the universal delight, this Don Juan uses the hardest artillery to conquer her heart. And after everything will be the same - seeding the air kiss, he will again be looking for another ladies of the heart, even if he just left the bed Angelina Jolie. or Shakira. Hunger of this intimophob is infinite, and the goal stops just not worth it.

. Only sex, baby

As soon as the relationship entered the candidate and bought period, the cavalier immediately gives you to know that it is extremely free relationship, without any hint of seriousness, and all sorts of familiarity with parents and joint accommodation are inflamed reason. In this case, everything can be very good exactly until the moment when the woman does not begin to talk about Ollesha, who recently got married, Katka, who yesterday was born yesterday and that parents are waiting for their anniversary. After that, the intimophobe dissolves in the unknown, in turning all the laws of physics, and the abandoned young lady begins to make everything that was said at the beginning of the article.

. Is there a stamp, what is the rest?

In this case, in comparison with the previous, there is a noticeable progress, because the intimophoba creates a family. Well, how does it create? Formally there is a family, but with spiritual filling and empathy sad. In such a marriage, a man will keep his wife at a distance, clearly out the border that it is not allowed to stop, avoid talking to too personal, as it seems to him, the themes, and stopping all the attempts of the second half to approach. Sex, of course, will, but without any stupid conversations after.

3. Zerim in the root. Why do they do that?

In fact, intimophobia is not some kind of insulated phenomenon or illness, but in the global sense, the lack of basic trust in the world, and since the first to whom the child begins to trust from birth, is a mother, it turns out that it is a loss of confidence in the mother. This is happening in this case when the child was left for their education to other relatives, such as grandparents for the period of an expedition or a long trip, suddenly, without explaining the reasons for a long time left it, did not fulfill these promises. It is quite high the likelihood that the boy in his youthful age will be an intimophobe if the mother constantly broadcasts the son of double messages, i.e. The child does not understand why the whip is, for which the gingerbread or for the same thing now it will be awarded him, and in the evening they will give a purse. Thus, unsystematic punishments and promotion give rise to both the insecurity in themselves and distrust of the mother due to its unpredictability, which is subsequently poured into distrust to the entire female floor.

A separate line is a daily story that all girls, girls, women a priori are vicious, want only one and wait will not wait for the hour how her poor innocent boy will be corrupted. At the same time, the desire of the mother to protect the beloved child can be poured into the frank ridicule and mockery over the son, the complementary stories that sex is dirty and indecent, or in physical impact and total control, in comparison with which the supervisors in prison are presented with cute and good people. .

A miracle does not have to wait, and no matter what wonderful you are, with his intimophobia you cannot cope without the help of a specialist.