The ability to say no read online. "Harvard School of Negotiation
People who respect themselves, their goals, values \u200b\u200band their time can say "no." They know how to refuse, reject what they do not need. The same who does not find the strength in themselves to refuse to give up an unnecessary suggestion to him, then spends his time on completely unknown to him, trips or acquires things that he is not needed at all.
If you thought and decided to say "no", it should sound in you in firmly and calmly, without indignation.
"We have new attractive tariffs!" - Thank you, not interesting. "Well, you sing a little!" - Thank you, mom, you are very caring! "Buy me a toy!" - We came here to buy bread. "Let's go, drink!" - tied.
A strong and confident person is not angry with either himself, neither on the interlocutor for his forced refusal, does not swear on this occasion and does not suit anyone or other trouble.
Case of the interlocutor to offer something, your business is to refuse. If the interlocutor is intrusive with his suggestions, intercept the initiative or stop your communication with it.
Just say no - maybe everyone. When someone asks you, it rains now, you look out the window and easily say "no." It - . Such an answer is the easiest, because it does not make you refuse to man, he does not oblige you to anything positive or negative. There is no tension, nor negative emotions, you just answer the question of the fact. It is more difficult to refuse when a person from you wants something when there is a request or suggestion in the question of the interlocutor. And then refuse - how to offend. And offend - I do not want, it is sometimes unpleasant, and for someone and scary.
If you do not know how to deny thoughtless, calmly and firmly, let yourself learn this task.
Most often, the habit with everything agree is simple. It does not matter at all, why did you ever start this: it is important that you are accustomed to this. What to do? Dust. Rewind. Teach yourself say "no" thoughtful. How is it?
The most efficient recommendation sounds paradoxical: "Learn to say yes, and you will learn to speak." The habit is impulsive response, and your task is to teach the talking about it. When you teach yourself to talk "Yes," you will have to think, it will not give you to act impulsively. Try, eat, and the results will definitely please: you will become much calmer, it is obvious to say "no" when it is necessary.
Second - Prepare in advance to typical situations. If you assume that there will be, for example, to sell something you do not need, prepare your answers in advance. And with pleasure, tell me: "No, thank you!" It is always easier to talk yes or not if the situation is already considered, respecting in advance. It is quite possible, in some situation, you did not have time to take into account all the circumstances and agreed where it was necessary to refuse. What to do? Do not blame yourself, tell me "!" And write down in your memory for the future: "For the future, in a similar situation, I will answer so, these words and with such intonations." Slaw your refusal out loud, achieve the necessary intonation - and reprove which you are smart (smart). Gradually, the number of situations to which you are completely ready - will increase.
Many prevents the fact that they are in principle do not know how to make decisions. Here's how to say yes, if myself is not sure about my answer and you are afraid of my own desire? And how not to say if I still want? Only when you decide within yourself, with your inner yes or no, you can confidently formulate it out loud. Train.
If you decide to say no, your failure must sound naturally, without too much voltage. If you still do not always work, learn to refuse jokingly. "Let's go through today?" - "With you - never!" If you know that a person is pleasant to you that you will definitely go with him, and the same thing knows this wonderful person next to the soul and joyfully, and the training of a quiet failure occurs.
Important: Observe with your beliefs. Many people are becoming alone from alone thought that they would have to refuse someone. Well, in vain. It is quite normal that your plans and someone's desires will not be shy, and once refuse, say "no" - perfectly normal and naturally. It is impossible to respond to an affirmative on any request. Trying to satisfy all the wishes, you finish the fact that there will be no person with your actions, besides, you lose control of your time and space. Once to refuse - completely naturally, there is no crime here, and it is better than deception or evaporation.
Teach yourself to honesty. Honesty is really not always convenient, but not in vain say: "honesty is the best policy." Indeed, hear clear "no" is not so offensive, how to understand what they are deceived. If you can now see, and then, promising, do not fulfill your promises, it is melancholy and for you, and for your interlocutor.
Your interlocutor will be clearer your refusal if you give him any simple rationale. "Sorry, I'm busy." "No, at this time I have other plans." By the way, I don't want this serious rationale. If you truth listened to yourself and realized that you - do not want, then justify. "No, I will not go. I do not want." It is important - you do not justify, but only share with the interlocutor by what you have in life or in the soul. King and queen - . If there are questions "why don't you want?", Looking into the eyes and watching the reaction, calmly explain: "I don't want, because I'm not interested." And that's it. What other questions?
Even more beautiful on your part, if, refusing, you will have time to think about how you can help a person. You are invited to the movies, you are not interested. You can simply say no, but you can search the option, how to help a wonderful person next to you. "Think, maybe someone else will gather with you? We still wanted to see this movie!"
If your refusal, the interlocutor begins to put pressure and play on your feelings, then it's not about your skill and there is no inability to speak, but that your interlocutor you. You can just say to him: "Do not give me!" (Option: "I have a feeling that you give me!"), And if you can say it calmly and, the situation will pass under your control. One of the working algorithms. "Place your back and start talking loudly: louder than before. And why should I? Others say loudly, they can be. Try and you, and see what happens. Most likely nothing happens, and confidence You will begin to add. The next task is, it is useful for gaining greater inner freedom.
Sometimes there is no special fear for fear: the fear of losing the location of a dear person for you. If you are unbearable even to imagine that you will not communicate with this person, if you are terribly terribly thinking about what you can quarrel and part, you have a sick attachment. It is not scary, it is possible to get rid of it, but this is a completely different topic ...
© Irina Lad, 2017
ISBN 978-5-4483-7803-4
Created in the Intellectual Publishing System Ridero
What we lack in life?
Once the sage said: "The best medicine for a person is love and care."
He was asked: "And if it does not help? What to do then?"
The sage replied: "Increase the dose!".
In the soul of each of us, regardless of passport age, lives small childwhich we were once. If parents, grandparents and grandparents loved this child, and all the world I was glad to existence myself, then in a mature age such a person trusts the world and feels protected.
Imagine that little manwho came to this world and is waiting for warmth and love from him, gets in his family indifference and a whole list of requirements, only by completing which he will receive a dosage part of attention.
What do you think some of these children will be more confident in themselves, will not depend on someone else's opinion and will not wait for approval for any occasion?
Probably, you already understood from the parable I first, that anyone needs love and understanding?
What to do if we have not surpassed this love in childhood? How to be? What needs to be changed in yourself not to feel like a man of the second grade?
We will talk about it in the next chapter.
Abilities "Love" and "Know"
Each person, without exception, has two main abilities - the ability to know and the ability to love. Both of these abilities relate to the merits of each person. Depending on its physical data, its surroundings and the time in which he lives, these two human abilities are differentiated, and this leads to unique combinations of the main features.
The ability to knowledge defines the rational, intellectual part of the person. It is coordinated by the left hemisphere of the brain H, it determines the ability of a person to engage in scientific methods of knowledge of the world: mathematics, medicine, chemistry, physics, electronics and other spheres.
Your personal workbook To increase the awareness, self-confidence and finding freedom.
Many are difficult to answer "no" to the question, request or commission. Causes are different - from unwillingness to feel discomfort and feeling of guilt to fear to become unnecessary. Think: one who constantly says "yes," significantly facilitates life to others, but moves his own interests in the background. It is good that everyone can learn to listen to himself and their needs, defend their position and no longer say "yes", implying "no".
This notebook will help to deal with the reasons that prevent saying "no", and will tell me the strategy and simple tools, with which you can designate the boundaries of your own freedom, forcing you to respect your friendly, but solid failure.
Some exercises will be easily accomplished, and for others you will need time. It is not necessary to do exercises in order, you can always choose what will seem most suitable at the moment. And if you want to sum up the intermediate result, shedding the notebook to several pages back.
Take a pencil rather - and go ahead! You will see how easy it is to say. "
For whom this book
For those who want to learn firmly, politely and confidently refuse to others.
Expand Description Collapse descriptionDedicated to Eckhart Tolet for inspired us the first twelve letters of her bestseller,
reader for not told not reading this book
By Edition: The Power Of No (Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance and Happiness) by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher, 2014.
© 2014 by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher
© Translation. Edition in Russian. Registration. LLC "Popurri", 2015
Your no. Bill of rights
"No" - an incredibly painful and difficult word. To pronounce it, considerable courage is required.
How many times have you had to say "no" and it brought only pain, despair, tears or an outbreak of anger?
Even the clock, days and months before it is to say "no", filled with excitement and experiences: "Should I?", "Will I Will I?", "What happens?"
But you have the right to say "no." In fact, you have a whole bill on rights. And all these rights are already yours. This book will help you to realize them in full.
1. Do you have the right to protect your life
You have the right to say there is no everything that can harm you: fire, jumping with a high building, poison, drugs.
People categorically say "no" danger like a fire. In the rest of the same cases, they do not sound so confident. Apparently, it is more difficult to say "no" cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. But you yourself decide what to say "no". You are - and no one else.
2. You have the right to healthy relationships and true love
Decide on your own, kOM There is no talk. You have the right to choose your environment regardless of public opinion. You yourself decide who will take away from you by vital energy, and then strike out these people from your life. This does not mean that you become a hermit; This means that you yourself choose your family, your friends, your colleagues, your surroundings, own life.
3. Do you have the right to use your abilities and talents to let your own material well-being
You have the right to say there is no everything that prevents the development of your creative potential and gaining material well-being. You need this world, but only if you say "no" interference and obstacles.
W. you There is a mission. Only you can give that invaluable gift that you have. You deserve well-being, success and recognition for your work.
4. Do you have the right to have everything you want
Every day, colleagues, bosses, friends and loved ones want you to satisfy their interests and needs. They come so not from egoism or evil motivations. They come in a similar way because people are so arranged: for them their own interests are above all.
And you have the right to protect your interests. You do not have to do what they do "all." You are a unique combination of DNA, environment, culture and personal experience. You say "yes" what matters for you.
As for all the rest, regardless of the consequences you have the right to say this.
When you say yes, something you do not want to do, the following happens: you hate what you are doing, angry on who asked you about it, and harm yourself.
5. Do you have the right to choose what to believe
Why did people find themselves on top of the food chain 70,000 years ago? Because we learned to speak and tell stories. History, myths, religions and institutions allow us to interact with millions of other people.
People are great storytellers. This is exactly what distinguishes us from the rest of the representatives of the animal world. In social mythology, there are thousands of different myths, which are firmly rooted in the mass consciousness and which we consider something for granted. Here are just some of them. College. Own house. A family. Children. Good job. Listening to the best time until the money appears. "Work as ancor - and achieve success!" Ten thousand hours of practice to become a professional. Etc.
You have the right to speak no myths and installations that prevent your personal growth, but "yes" - only those that contribute to your spiritual development, happiness and opportunities to live a full-fledged life.
The ability to make a clear border between true and false beliefs protects you from seven billion people who want to keep you in the ultrasound.
6. You have the right to dispose of your time.
Often people want to get answers right now! When they tell you jump, they want you to ask: "How high?"
But you have the right to think about everything and weigh before making a decision. The right to say: "Okay, give me some time to think about it." The right to learn more people who come to your life are both in personal and business, and see how well they fit there.
Most of the day we spend in dealing with people. Often the best way negotiating is to take a time out. Speak "yes" only when you are one hundred percent sure of that.
Temporarily eliminating the situation you reduce "Offer" yourself. In the economy, the price is subject to the law of supply and demand. When the demand exceeds the offer, the price grows.
A small delay in time to take the right solution, increases your value in any situation or relationship. But it is not about learning benefit from the situation, although such an effect may also take place. It is about to take the necessary pause, calmly assess the situation and take a weighted solution, instead of rejecting the hot and act Naobum.
7. You have the right to be honest primarily with ourselves
You have the right to say no wearing mask in order to enjoy others. You can be sure that you are all right with you that your sincerity and honesty - it is the qualities that attract people to you, and your truth is what is burning your inner fire.
Modern world is shrouded in fog. Honesty is a lighthouse. Your honesty - the ability to say "no" lies is a guiding star, pointing to the ships way home. This is what will bring you health, love and well-being.
8. You have the right to happy and full life
You have the right to say there is no complex of inferiority and any other complexes that prevent you from living a happy, full-fledged life. You have the right to notice any negative, self-disstaining thoughts - both our own and those that others hide you - and get rid of them once and forever.
9. You have the right to be "here and now"
You have the right to say no time travel. Regrets about the past. Experiencers about the future. Traveling to the past or to the future will not help you live a full life in the present. It will not solve your future problems, but only aggravate real. You have the right to say "no" everything that does not happen "here and now."
10. You have the right to silence
You have the right to speak no ambient noise, news, duties and overloads. You can sit every day for some time in silence, alone with you - with the best part of myself, who wants to help you - and allow She do it. You can listen to silence every day and know that it is enough for you.
Silence is the key to eternity and infinity.
11. You have the right to submit
You have the right to refuse even from your own beliefs about yourself. This is the strongest no: say no what you are about yourself though.
This means that you are conguted by the highest strength. You believe that a loving hand will instruct you true and help take the first step.
You do not need to impress anyone. No one condemns you. And no one can stop you.
Step by step - and the road itself will lead you to the right place.
Why this book is for you
If only because you chose this book and read this page, we already know something about you.
You want to improve your life. You want to become happier. You want to add and remove some borders.
It can be physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual borders. You want to get rid of blocks that prevent you from living a full life.
And you, of course, a generous, generous man. Perhaps one of those who will rather say "yes" those who need help than "no" those who ask too much.
We want to convey to the reader what is not coming from the very depths of our inner essence. Spiritual essence. The one that allows you to discover the strength of which you still could have not guess.
The strength that will bring well-being in your life is an incredible well-being. The strength that brought love to your life is the love you deserve. The force that will bring peace to your life and tranquility when you say "no" the surrounding noise and turmoil.
No power helps us, authors, survive in literal sense the words. With her, we become free from society, institutions, friends, loved ones, colleagues, bosses and social myths who are trying to drive us into certain frameworks. From all those who tried and still try to control us.
Each no destroys these frames. Each level is not, which we describe in this book makes us free. We have the right to this freedom, whatever form it takes. In whatever form we wanted to see her.
Why not? Eternity existed before our birth. And she will exist after we leave this world. Why not use all your potential and do not reveal your own limitless possibilities while we are still here?
Once you read this book, it means you are a very bold man. And ready to make the last jump to find their inner power.
This force helps us to remove the negative from your life and fill it with positive. Attract money, love, health and new opportunities. When you go to risk, then become unique; You run away from the crowd and can reach the stars. No - this is a risk, but you already have enough courage to gain momentum.
In different life circumstances, it is important to ask yourself a question: "Should I say" no "?" Thinking him, breaking his head over him, weighing everything "for" and "against", you better understand yourself and what is preferable for you and people around you. This eventually leads you to situations where you can say "yes" well-being to which they always strove.
In the end, despite the name of this book, her main goal is to say "yes" happiness, well-being and love.
How to read this book
We want reading our book to leave you only positive emotions. Therefore, right now we will give you some practical recommendations on how it works.
"Hello!" (from Claudia)
"Hello!" (from James)
"Hello!" (from both of us)
All chapters are built on the principle of logical madness.
There are seven levels no.
They correspond to different levels of energies - from more powerful, protecting our body, life and major borders, to more subtitle, which there are no real love, compassion and wisdom in our life.
First, we investigate everyday no - those that may occur in relationships, at work, in solving health problems or at a random meeting with cosmic aliens (tell me "no", and then run!).
Then we start digging deeper. The society uses the years of our formation to teach us to say "yes" to everything that "is supposed to say" yes. " Now we have to find out what things it is still better to say "no". Perhaps society and wishes to us good, but ultimately we ourselves decide how to live.
This is not the fault of our parents. And not wine school. And not the wines of the government. And no fault of friends. They have enough of their worries and problems - so there is nothing to blame them. But saying "yes" their installations is also not necessary. It's time to create your own plants.
The last level is not deep inside us. Silence. The source of eternal wisdom. When we get to this well of wisdom, we can drink forever from it.
This is not there, which brings real strength.
When you gain this power, you can say yes! " consciously and from a pure heart. Because you will know that it is "yes!" It comes from the source of its own wisdom.
Major thinking attributes for reading this book:
a) read this book - good.
b) to comprehend it after reading - 100 times better.
c) Apply read in practice - 100,000 times better.
Learning to say "no" is very difficult - it requires practice. Therefore, many chapters contain exercises. It is daily and conscious practices that will help you reveal your inner strength.
You will not find exercises in each chapter. In the end, the basic idea of \u200b\u200bthe book is to get rid of noise and chaos in his life and free the place for silence and inner strength. Therefore, we do not want to overload you with work. We added only the exercises that found the most useful.
Well have a good exercise that can be practiced if necessary. We know this, because whenever we forget to say "no", it leads to sad consequences. It is much better to practice practice, recognize your feelings, aware of what is happening and have no power than to experience these consequences.
Always remember: say "no" is one thing. There is no power - it's completely different.
How to learn to refuse
An important ability to say "no"
Irina Lad
© Irina Lad, 2017
ISBN 978-5-4483-7803-4
Created in the Intellectual Publishing System Ridero
What we lack in life?
Once the sage said: "The best medicine for a person is love and care."
He was asked: "And if it does not help? What to do then?"
The sage replied: "Increase the dose!".
In the soul of each of us, regardless of passport age, there is a small child who we were once. If the parents, grandparents and grandparents loved this child, and the whole world enjoyed his existence itself, then in adulthood, such a person trusts the world and feels protected.
Imagine that the little man who came to this world and is waiting for warmth and love from him, gets in his family indifference and a whole list of requirements, only by completing which it will receive a dosage part of attention.
What do you think some of these children will be more confident in themselves, will not depend on someone else's opinion and will not wait for approval for any occasion?
Probably, you already understood from the parable I first, that anyone needs love and understanding?
What to do if we have not surpassed this love in childhood? How to be? What needs to be changed in yourself not to feel like a man of the second grade?
We will talk about it in the next chapter.
Abilities "Love" and "Know"
Each person, without exception, has two main abilities - the ability to know and the ability to love. Both of these abilities relate to the merits of each person. Depending on its physical data, its surroundings and the time in which he lives, these two human abilities are differentiated, and this leads to unique combinations of the main features.
The ability to knowledge defines the rational, intellectual part of the person. It is coordinated by the left hemisphere of the brain H, it determines the ability of a person to engage in scientific methods of knowledge of the world: mathematics, medicine, chemistry, physics, electronics and other spheres.
The ability to love, which is mainly managed by the right hemisphere, is more in fantasies, intuition, emotionality, mental and spiritual matters. From an intercultural point of view, it is very interesting that the ability to knowledge is particularly pronounced in Western countries. In such states as the USA and the countries Western Europe Much of importance is attached to thinking, logic, development of sciences, intelligence.
The ability to love is developed in the Middle East and in Eastern countries, here in the first place are contacting, religion, issues of meaning, fantasy and entity. And just as the purpose of the policy is to cooperate the West and the East, it is very important that every person learned to combine his right and left brain hemisphere, that is, to combine the most West and East.
This hypothesis of the two main human abilities led to a certain idea of \u200b\u200ba person.
Both abilities are developing in four major dimensions of human life: the body, achievements (activity), contacts, fantasy (meaning, future) under the influence of the genetic features of the body in its interaction with environmental and time (Fig. 1).
Fig. 1. Factors affecting the formation of a personality model
These measurements provide interaction with the outside world and its knowledge with the help of sensations (vision, hearing, smell, tanging), logic, traditions and fantasies (intuition).
Developing and differentiating under the influence of internal and external factorsBasic abilities are converted into certain internal motivation (primary actual abilities), behavior features (secondary actual abilities), which determine the type of person's response to changes in environmental conditions.
Actual abilities characterize the most important parameters in the establishment of the nature of the person, the content and motives of human behavior, interpersonal interaction, the origin of conflicts and psychotherapy. Depending on the conditions, the abilities are developing unevenly and differently different people. Some of them may be developed to perfection, while others - to stay in the latent state. You can, for example, love cleanliness, but be nonpunitive.
There are two main types of relevant abilities (AC).
Primary abilities (love, sample imitation (the ability to imitate, identify), patience, time, contact, sexuality, faith, trust, hope, doubt, confidence, integrity) develop from the basic ability to love. They arise from the first day of the appearance of a person to light due to contact with loved ones. Primary abilities are not more important than secondary or vice versa. They are the basis of personality, foundation, motivation, emotional filling, on which secondary abilities are built.
End of a familiarization fragment.
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